In the Dark

 "We must pass through the darkness to reach the light." - Albert Pike 

It was a dark and stormy day. 

Ok, so it wasn't stormy. But it was seriously dark last Sunday morning, overcast and cool as you might expect in Seattle but not so much in the Mountain State in the middle of July. 

And if I'm completely honest, the morning perfectly suited my mood. Strolling in with my hair freshly washed and my dress newly steamed, I wished I could just keep my (utterly unnecessary) sunglasses on all morning to hide the caverns under my eyes. 

An observant friend later asked in concern, "Are you tired today?" I smiled and said it was a rough night, but that was only half the truth. The full truth is I haven't slept through the night since sometime last year. I'm not an insomniac, and Darryl says falling asleep quickly is my superpower. But I sleep like a baby, interrupted every few hours by screaming (alarms). [Insert uninteresting medical explanation here.]

So back to Sunday morning - suffice it to say that even for me, the night before had been rough. I didn't sleep. Darryl didn't sleep. We (of course) woke up early and went to church anyway. 

And on the way in the door, the dark sky suited me just fine. 

In worship as we sang, I was suddenly overcome with heaviness. Discouragement settled in, and I sank to my chair and told God I felt like a captive in my own body. I felt exhausted, limited, and frustrated. I felt overwhelmed and discouraged. I felt, to be frank, completely useless. 

Trying to control my tears and not alarm my daughter (again) by crying, I attempted to quiet my heart and just wait. 

Suddenly in my mind, I saw an image of the skies outside, the overarching gloom and the utter lack of sunshine. In despair, I bowed my head (name that song!) and prayed the prayer that has carried me through this year: "Help me. Jesus, help me."  

At that moment an old favorite psalm, memorized many years ago, came to mind: 

"Where shall I go from your Spirit, or where shall I flee from your presence? . . . If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." 

- Ps. 139: 7, 11-12 

And I sensed the Spirit moving over the face of the deep, speaking this truth: 

The Light of the World isn't afraid to walk into the darkness to find us. Even as we stumble around in shame and despair, he's right there with us. Darkness can never overcome his light.  

And I thought maybe if I was feeling this way myself - like I couldn't even write because I was so uninspired, discouraged, and just plain tired - that maybe some of you were, too. 

And I thought I might reach out with just this little flame to light the candle you've been clutching in the dark, and to remind you

 - remind us all - 

that darkness is as light to our Father.

Even the darkest Sunday is as bright as day for him. 

Taking off the sunglasses, 

Becki